[CRP] Desolate Heart

[Aayla]

Aayla sat quietly at the window of the rented room in Cill Choi, a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a dagger twirling absent-mindedly in her other. She didn’t watch what happened in the street below, for in truth there was very little to see in the blooming darkness, she simply stared empty out into the encroaching night. To be sure she was well and truly drunk and clearly in a mood that necessitated that she avoid people… though that was completely the problem. A dull ache in her chest throbbed with the pain of the truth, she was alone. Another thud, more pain…

She had spent most of her life alone, frowning she noted she should likely be used to it by now. Yes she had the Rahl’s though their numbers had fallen and grown in those passing years. She had her brother… her twin, though it was still foreign to think of Obli as more than one of her adoptive brothers. This brought a subtle hint of a smile to her lips, Obli who had followed her out of Munster and across the Island to the heart of their “enemies” camp. She wasn’t totally alone, but … if she were honest with herself… she really was.

Since she was a child, Aayla could deal with physical pain. Training for hours and hours and working until her body broke those were every day pains that eventually dulled and became numb. War, fighting, feeling the sharp sting of the blade on her skin… again more pain that she was able to handle, though it wasn’t nearly as numb as a day’s hard work. Emotions… feelings… these are what she has always avoided, becoming too attached to those who would only leave her, abandon her. It took all of Cailyn’s prodding and promises to get her to join with the Rahl’s so long ago. Only to have her leave this life months later, leave Aayla.

Spitting Aayla cursed the anger she felt for her lost sister, it wasn’t right to be angry with something well beyond the power of mere mortals but she was… angry. With the loss of her sister, she put a wall between herself and those around her. Travelling she had the excuse of distance and absence to stay to herself, the solitary road, where no town was more than a stopover for her, no place a home, no one but her distant family. Then she was called back again for war, one more fight, for a county she no longer hoped for, for a town she hadn’t been home too since the last marching orders.

It was for her brother that she came, for her family that she stood… in the end fell. When she decided to leave Munster, leave behind the life she had fought for all those battles, it had hurt to think she’d not stand with the Rahl’s again but she knew it was time to move on. When Obli took to the road with her, she was terrified no longer was there a distance to call on he wasn’t going to let her be alone.

Sitting forward she whipped the dagger at the wall, burying it deep in the wooden walls. “gahhh!” she grumbled as she scowled at the slowly emptying bottle. “Ain’t a problem till ye find yer the only one ye drink with regular like…” setting the bottle down she glances around the empty room, a small smile playing on her lips. “Girl, ye need t’fix this… idle hands dun do anything but give ye trouble…” Standing she moves across the room to retrieve her dagger.

[Aayla]

Ten years earlier:

“Aayla git yer skinny a.. butt in here and fix the pudding!” the shrill call echoed across the small farm filtering up into the tree which housed the slender girl. Raising her head slightly she glanced back to the house and heaved a sigh only a young woman could offer to the angst of life and chores. “Fix yer own durn pudding woman…” she muttered under her breath but gave a twist of her form to swing agile and gracefully from the branch. “Coming” she called with a forced sweetness as her skinny legs carried her with surprising grace and speed towards the small thatched hut that she called ‘home’. Crossing the threshold she stopped with a small shudder as a broom handle swatted her on the hip. “Och! Nan that hurt!” she whined as she dodged the woman’s second blow. Skidding across the room she ducked to the other side of the table, hoping the distance would hinder the elderly woman’s attack. “Just though ye’d hide from yer work eh? Ye some princess t’be waited on hand and foot then?” Nan swung the broom with surprising skill, the long handle missing young Aayla’s head by a hair’s bredth. “Na uh!” Aayla protested vigorously, shaking her ebon tresses with the fierce denial. “I was… looking for Dhain! Just too durn short is all… needed a better vantage point.” The lopsided grin gave her fib away, but Nan was laughing too, and at least for now ceasing her attack. “Git to work girl…” she huffed and turned back to the pot bubbling on the hearth.

Eight Years Earlier:

It was a cold morning, cold and bitter; Aayla knelt soberly at the foot of two graves. One … well settled with a well groomed spread of wildflowers and grasses, the other fresh, the dirt still settling. Tears fell from her eyes, though she could not feel anything, or rather she wasn’t letting herself feel anything. Loosing Dhain, who was as much a father as she could have known was hard, just over a year ago was one of the hardest losses a young girl could have struggled through. To loose Nan, this was a pain beyond all she could have dreaded. She was alone, no past, no knowledge of who she was and where she came from. Nan had sworn she would share her story some day… “When yer older luv” she’d coo at the girl when asked to share the secrets that brought her to live with the two elderly people. No matter how she’d beg, plead, barter and yell, Nan would stay silent to her beginnings. Dhain had gotten sick, and such is the way of the old, there was grief but no shock at his loss. Nan was fine… she was her same old self not a day earlier, chastising young Aayla for running about in pants and playing with knives behind the barns. “Yer a woman ye know! “ She had shouted, “Ye ought to start acting like a lady or you’ll never find a man!” Oh how Aayla had laughed at the very thought of a man to make her life complete. Now… now alone and facing the world with no one for a home, no family, no friends… she was terrified.

[Aayla]

Six Years Earlier:

The roads offered solitude that she could find no other place, the farm had its peace and tranquility to be sure but it was full of ghosts. Dhain and Nan had been gone now two years and Aayla had managed with the help of some others to keep the farm in good repair, but the ghosts of her caregivers were in each window, room and memory. So she had traveled, town to town, selling the goods from the harvests. There was of course the dangers that came with being a lone girl on the roads of munster with no escort. She wasn’t a large girl, standing just under five feet four inches (though she swore she grew an inch a day lately) she was scrawny, there was no other term for it, long legs and long arms and neither looking like they could do much of anything useful. But that wasn’t completely true; she had since childhood worked the farm, which as any would tell you is not the easiest work. And then there was Dhain’s trainings… as long as she could remember he had taught her how to fight with sword and dagger, whip and rope. She’d learned how even the most innocent of items could be used to defend one’s life and when needed take another’s. Before this day, she’d never had a use for the teachings, before this day she didn’t truly know there was such cruelty in the world.

Aayla had been leading Bucca her small mare and the wagon of goods for trade in Imleach along the main road from Ross og Cairbre happily chatting away to the docile horse about the beautiful dress she had seen when last in Imleach and how she was sure she’d saved enough from this trip to buy it. “You know Bucca, I know what you’re thinking, You’re thinking to yourself what do you need a fancy dress for you fool girl, you ought to be wise and put down some extra fodder for the animals just in case…” Sighing dramatically she rolled her eyes and continued. “Really if all the spare coin goes to the fodder and we don’t need it, I sure as shoot can’t wear it either!” Letting the subject pitter off with Bucca’s whinny she resolved to really argue it out with the stubborn horse later. Looking up down the road she noticed a small group camped just aside the main road, obviously resting for a meal or sleep. Pulling Bucca’s reigns she led her in a wide circle around the grouping, keeping he head down as she went.

“Ho there doll-face…” a lewd man called out from the center of the group, and the briefest glace over her shoulder caught a glance at his rather long and heavy sword. The idea of this short, slightly pudgy man using a two handed heavy sword such as that made a laugh fall from her throat and across her lips. Continuing along as quickly and calmly as she could manage she had almost caught freedom when out of the blue she was knocked out and shoved roughly against her cart while they rifled through her goods. She was only down and out for but a few moments but as she came to she saw they were to take everything from her, this realization only made more real when he grabbed her up and tossed her over his shoulder much to the raucous laughter of his comrades. “I’m going to nail me a pretty filly it would seem boys… don’t wait around, she’ll not last long." Kicking and screaming Aayla was dragged off to the woods.

There was little she remembered, the man pushing himself at her, the strike that ended him, and the return to ross beaten, bruised and with a whole harvest trip lost. Silently in her room at home once again she cried for hours over the traumatic thieves… eventually falling asleep in the wee hours of the morning.

[Aayla]

"Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed. "

She had left her room, and without Realizing it found herself on horseback and riding off to Jah only knows where. Her mind Had wandered through the past years and she felt every heartache and memory as if it were only a moment ago. Too many times on that long ride Had she tried to shake herself free of the flood of her past, but to no avail. Now she found herself far from where she started, and instead of looking out onto the dark waters, she stood at The Edge of a grove of trees ... a place she Had never been before.

"Curious to see you here child ..." The wizened old voice Seemed to spring to life from the shadow of an old oak. Without thinking or drawing breath was her sword in her hand, the pointed tip at the source of the voice. "Easy Aayla, would you harm an old friend?" Eoghan, leaning against a twisted staff moved into the light drifting through the trees. "Yer a Friend of Obli's, but I still dinna know ye from tha'rock OL'MAN ... " she said though her voice hinted at amusement rather than anger. " Yes well, Rock or friend, I am unarmed so you can put up your sword girl. " He retorted with a soft, wise smile.

Sword singing softly as the metal found its home in sheath once again, Aayla dismounted in a fluid motion, her boots making a soft thud as they struck the ground. She glanced around, trying to gain her bearings though with little success, how far Had she ridden? "where Juice be here exactly? An 'why is it such a surprise? " she queried not letting on the notion she was lost and a touch confused. Eoghan has touched withered old hand to CARAIDAS's nose, Clucking his tongue softly, "You're a fair distance from both my home and your own child, Just where were you headed?" The sparkle in the old man's eyes gave him away, and Aayla wrinkled her nose, she disliked games but she knew if she was to find answers She had to give a bit. "Was not headed no specific place like ... I guess just wandering." She shrugged, looking around again. "Needed t'get out an do something a'fore I lost my mind ..." CARAIDAS Grinning she tied to a tree running her hand along his neck soothingly. "Dun do much good t'drink year alone spend yer day's wallowing eh?" She was not actually asking the old man, simply stating as if it were information he requested.

There was a long silence then, and after a moment she Had to look back to see if the old man Had not just disappeared, another memory Had Dragged her mind up to play tricks on her ... she truly must be losing her mind. But there he was, but a few feet closer to the grove looking back at her with a note of expectation. "Come child ..." all he said before he slipped into the darkened forest. A breath or two later she was trudging after him, silently cursing her curiosity.

[Aayla]

“The present is never our goal: the past and present are our means: the future alone is our goal. Thus, we never live but we hope to live; and always hoping to be happy, it is inevitable that we will never be so.”

The dark grove broke into a natural stand of trees lining a clearing, there standing next to a weathered stone altar Eoghan waited patiently for Aayla to wrangle herself free of a thorn bush that decided she looked especially tasty. His lips twitched with the faintest mirth as she tore herself free of the overly friendly grasp of the wayward plant and paused to pick a few twigs from her hair. “Menace tha’n!” she finally exclaimed looking over herself with a critical gaze. “Nearly lost’me arm I did…” laughing softly she turned to shake a fist at the bush. “You realize of course that talking to plants is often a sign of an ill mind… but only if they answer you I’m told.” Eoghan chuckled as he laid his staff against the altar and smiled kindly at Aayla.

“Yeah they ain’t talk’n t’me yet, jus be’n all grabby is all.” Straightening out her bodice with a tug she took a moment to assess her surroundings. The smooth ground was covered with a plush carpet of dense moss, and even looking one could barely make out where the old man had crossed to the center of what looked to be a perfect circle. Her breath caught in her throat as she took in the cascade of light that seemed to focus on the heart of the area, the obelisk-like beam seemed to rise as if solid from the center of the great stone altar. “woah…” her voice strangled by the awe as she took in the weight of the grove. Her attention quickly diverted as she’s broken from her reverie by the sound of the old man’s laughter. “What is this place?” She asked when she had found her voice again. “A place of prayer, for the old ways child…” His voice had a mysterious hint to it, a reverence for the ways far beyond Aayla’s small knowledge.

Hours came and went, and the sun moved across the sky casting long shadows in the small grove, all the while Aayla listened, occasionally questioning the old man on this or that until the light became so weak as to bring their attention to the hour. “Errr… sorry.” She said a hint of bashful tone in her voice. “I dinna mean t’keep ye with me interrogations all day.” She rubbed her brow then, abashed at the ease she found herself conversing, they had spoken on many subjects… but mostly that of her mother…

[Aayla]

There had been hours of discussion on how alike Aayla and her mother looked, how her healing had saved so many, and how very un-alike they were in personality. "She was a healer.." Aayla had said with a small hint of disbelief, "I mean... I can fix up a battle dress'n like most others, but I much prefer make'n 'em bleed t'stoppin it..." Clearly confounded with the idea she rubbed her brow, which was knotted somewhat. "Have you ever tried child? I'm fairly sure the talent would run strong in you both." The calmness and sure tones of Eoghan's voice seemed to make his every word carry more weight. "You have so long acted and reacted because of your anger, now knowing that you were not abandoned but loved, and having your brother now. I would challenge your behaviors." He looked then rather sternly at the young woman, his bushy brows seeming to meet above his nose as he watched her.

"Ye tell me me Ma an Pa were good folk, but are ye sure that'd be me... hell Obli is good folk I kin see that... I jus... ain't good Eoghan." There was a longing in her voice, it wasn't that she didn't want to be good, she had tried once.. it only brought pain. As if sensing the bad memories, or the ill feeling that spread through her now, Eoghan reached out placing a hand on her shoulder. "I believe you are child, you just have to believe in yourself as well."

[Aayla]

"I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.”

When Aayla left that glen, and Eoghan the shadows had long faded into the darkness of night. Her legs cramped and her back ached, but she left with a determination to follow Eoghan's advice, if not for her own happiness but for Obli's as well. "Happiness comes to those that create it child, let it into your life and you'll find when you stop fighting it you will be happy." His parting words to her, brought a smirk to her lips. Open to happiness sounded about as possible as learning to fly, but she would try none the less.

The ride home was uneventful, the long dark road stretching out like a ribbon in front of her. The peace of night, and the steady pace of Caraid's hooves lulled her into a deep meditation. Her mind moved through the various hints and shades of "right" and "good" that she had been taught, how she had strayed and how she had not. Drinking was a start, though it would be hard idle as she was, she had always stopped drinking during times of war, battle required a clear focus she couldn't achieve otherwise. It was without the battle to drown the memories, she would need other distractions. Putting holes in people another... Her mother had been a healer, a surprise to be sure but she couldn't imagine the woman being overly pleased with a daughter who liked stabbing things. She laughed again, the soft trill echoing in the night air. So how then will she fill her time... her mind wandered and searched but could not find an answer to this. It was however just as she rode into town at last that she was struck with an idea.

Training had always been a focus for her, she had trained her body, her mind, and found an ease and comfort in the search for new things. So it would be this that took up her time. She turned Caraid towards the inn, the comfort had been nice but would not do for what she needed now. A few arrangements, and some extra coin to silence the man from telling a soul and she had her few belongings tucked away on her horse. Finding a small spot of land just outside the city, far from prying eyes and the temptations of the taverns she set up camp. Until that boat sailed, she would devote herself fully to training both her tactical and martial skills, but to learning more of the healing. Heck... if it didn't work out she'd have new knowledge in the ways of breaking people.

[Aayla]

“Whatever your past has been, you have a spotless future”

Ok... it had been a bad idea... no that is not quite a strong enough sentiment to explain the complete and utter failure that had been the last weeks of Aayla's life. She had returned to Choi with the drive and determination to be the person she should have been had her parents not been killed. Between bone jarring hours of physical training that often left her dead on her feet, and long hours studying texts and herbs and healing techniques her mind had all but shut off in those few precious hours she had allotted herself.

She had not raised blade or fist against a single person, and it had cost her to be sure untold amounts of grief, and had kept her often volatile temper in check when irritated, excepting a few situations where she was pushed beyond her limits. And most notably she had managed to cut her drinking down to one -one hundredth of her normal idle sipping. Much to the ire of every tavern owner and of course her friends and family... who at this point were fairly certain the girl had gone quite mad.

They say there is a point, one action or reaction that often pushes a person over the edge, and for Aayla it was the meeting in the Tavern with that strange man Krezlar. To be sure, he had to be seven shades of crazy to announce his undying love for her... for Jah's sake this is Aayla we're talking about! But having her closest friend, and her Brother more able to react properly or at all in her mind was the breaking point.

Now firmly in the school of thought that she could not be good, even when she tried... she sat in her small camp staring at an unopened bottle of brew. She had sent word to Aasha, a small note indicating where the woman could find her and an expressed need for her to come... alone. She needed to talk and Aasha was about the only person in the world who might understand her.

[Aayla]

Hadn't she told Obli there was something seriously wrong with his twin? More than once. Granted, she wasn't nearly as close to the woman as Obli was, hadn't even known her all that long, but they had instantly clicked. Each recognizing something in the other that Obli probably wouldn't have seen at all. She had made Aayla promise to tell her what was going on after seeing her sitting on her hands when Krezlar was acting like a daft besotted fool. Had even been patient and let Aayla put off the telling for longer than she wanted to. But now...the note said come alone.

Aasha told Obli she was going to talk to his sister, citing girl talk and looking all sorts of a fool saying it. She was sure he had questions, ones she'd explain later. She had no idea how to do 'girl' talk, so she sure as hell hoped Aayla didn't start going on and on about stuff she couldn't help her with. Kissing Obli passionately before she left, she followed the instructions to the camp, letting Storm have her head when the smell of a fire wafted in on the breeze.

The girl took in the scene, a small fire, an unopened bottle of whiskey, and her friend looking at the bottle like it was filled with poison. What in the hell was going on? Aasha slid off the mare's back, holding back a snicker when Storm caught a whiff of Caraid and snorted. Nae, tis Car'iad, nae Kael...ya likes 'em bot' sos go an' dun gets into any tro'ble. She approached Aayla then sat facing her, giving her time to speak. She had waited this long, a few more minutes wouldn't hurt, and if she pushed, she had a feeling Aayla would clam up. She sure as hell would.

[Aayla]

Aayla had heard Aasha's approach, it was not hard to make out the distinctive plodding of a horse when one is sitting alone at a campfire. She took a deep breath, steadying herself to explain her fool actions to her friend, and she let it out in a long huff cursing silently in her head.

When Aasha sat across from her she looked up from the bottle and managed a weak, half hearted smile. "Hullo.." she squeaked out with a meek tremor that surprised even her, she cleared her throat and started again. "Look.. I know I ain't been me'self an I need t'explain but this ain't easy so... no laughin ok?" She searched Aasha's face, hoping the woman would agree since she'd really feel bad if the first person she did stab in weeks was her friend.

Her stomach tightened, and she decided waiting on a response might just be a fool thing so she continued on, her voice a touch rushed. "So.. I's went out fer a ride a few weeks... hell longer back... an I met up with Eoghan. D'ye remember him? Daft ol' man that's friends with Obli..." Shaking her head as if to say it didn't matter she continued. "Anyhow.. he an I got't talking bout me ma and Da... well.. Obli's n'my parents... and how unlike me Ma I grew up t'be.." Picking up a stick she tossed it into the fire with a dark frown. It seemed only moments had passed since hearing how kind, generous, and loving her mother had been, so warm and quick to help people... also how Eoghan and she had come to gather others saw her... Cold, distant... dangerous. She tried to continue but her voice failed her, so she opened the bottle and took a quick pull from it before handing it to Aasha.

[Aayla]

Aasha couldn't help it, her eyebrows rose up to her hairline when Aayla squeaked out a hello. What for the love of stabbing was wrong with her? Ain't been herself, the understatement of the century. She barely got out a I ain't gonna laugh a' ya, before Aayla's words began tumbling out, one after the other. Aasha recognized the rush, if she didn't speak fast, she'd not speak at all...poor woman was more like Aasha than was healthy for her.

Ego'n...ya, I be r'memb'rin' 'im... Aasha wasn't sure, but it sounded like Aayla had wanted to be more like her mother. The concept was alien to Aasha, she'd always been more like her da, much to her mum's consternation when she'd lived with them. More a tomboy than a lady, and her da had encouraged it. Umm...Aayla? Is ya wantin' ta be likes yer mum?

[Aayla]

Aayla nodded, than sighed and shook her head the confusion clear on her face. "It ain't possible... that's what I been trying t'do. Be good.. be a better person, fer Obli... fer me... but it ain't working cause I ain't that person. Eoghan though I could be... more, be closer t'Obli an be like a real family...what he wanted." She knew in her heart that what she said was true, and saying it aloud to another person only drove it home. "I done everything I could, stopped hitting people, stabbin... drinking.. feuding.. Hell's I even stopped yelling and it dinna do me a damn bit o'good." Throwing her hands in the air as if to show her frustration she laughed darkly. "And oh the stabbing... I coulda cut some o'dem boys six or seven times... but nooo had ta sit on me gorram hands to make sure I was good.."

She looked down at her boots, defeat clear on her face. "I just ... wanted t'be happy.. find love like you an'Obli find a reason 'sides fighting all the time. Find someone's t'fight with me.. not at me." Shaking her head she fought back tears that threatened to break free. "Anyhow... it was stupid an it's over now... " she whispered.

[Aayla]

Aasha frowned. Aayla was making no sense. Wha' be wrong wit' who ya is now? Aayla...I tried doin' tha'. Tried bein' a lady an' followin' a bunch o' rules wha' dun makes sense. Canna see why ya'd be tryin' the same thing. Ain't likes Obli's askin' ya to be diff'rent. Ain't likes he ain't lovin' ya nohow. Her eyes were flashing fire, if she could get her hands on Eoghan, she'd kill the ignorant old man. And he was supposed to be wise?

Yer rights, stoppin' yellin' an' feudin' an' drinkin' an' stabbin' dun do ya no good. Made ya acts like a daf' fool wha' wasna livin', jus' sittin' an' existin' fer nothin'. An' ya gots hurt cuz o' it...tha' sh'ulda tole ya wha' ya was tryin' was daf'. Aasha hurt for her friend, the defeat on her face reminding her too much of her past. She moved closer, laying a hand on Aayla's shoulder. Her voice was calm, though the effort to keep it soft showed. Am I a bad pers'n to ya? I didna chance who I am fer Obli...ev'n stabbed 'im a few times. I wasna lookin' fer love. Dun ev'n wants it som'times...o' le'st tells mys'lf tha'. Its easi'r ta goes wit'out...dun gots to worry 'bout doin' som'thin' to be drivin' a body 'way from ya. Dun wakes up scar'd tha' yer 'lone 'gain. Her face was flushed, fears she never voiced tumbled out in trying to make Aayla feel better. Ones she didn't even realize she had, not when she was with Obli, but when away from him they crept up to haunt her. If'n a man has feelins fer ya, he willna be lettin' ya stabbin' 'im drives 'im 'way. He willna be wantin' ya to change who ya is fer 'im. An' if'n he does, well then ya sh'uld stabs 'im, cuz he ain't good 'nuff fer ya.

[Aayla]

Aayla looked at her friend, she knew she had the right person to talk to about all this, Obli wouldn't have understood a half of it, He was in love.. and to him all the roads were sunny. She smiled some at that, she was very glad for her brother, but it did bring into sharp focus her own pain sometimes.

"I know..." She said simply, she couldn't deny everything Aasha had said was true, hell she'd be saying the same if the table were turned. But none of it changed the cold feeling she felt inside, the sucking loneliness and the constant doubt. She took another deep breath, saying this out loud would likely be the most painful thing she'd ever done. "I had love once... twice even, but they left me... Like some'n in me kills the people's who loves me. Our Ma... she died giving us life... our Da try'n ta save us..." A shudder worked its way down her spine, "Nan and Dhain both died, left me alone, and then... Cailyn, Ainvar, soo many people. Obli, you... and the Rahls, be the only one's strong enough not t'die on me..." Wrapping her arms around herself, trying to hold herself together and keep away the pain of it all, "Everyone dies, an I'm left alone. Even iffin I found someone... he'd have t'be strong enough... to live. Jus don't think there be anyone out there ..."her voice trailed off, silenced by the sobs that threatened to surface below her forced calm.

[Aayla]

Aasha was at a loss, the desire to hug her friend warring with the instinct to slap her silly. So she went with neither, the hand she'd laid on Aayla's shoulder tightened momentarily before dropping awkwardly to her lap. She was going to kill him, there was no two ways about it. Obli would be mad...maybe she could distract him so he didn't know...he'd find out eventually though. He was attached to the dotty old fool.

Aayla? Yer talkin' to me r'memb'r? I loved 'fore too. Ya knows wha' happ'ned wit' Donnor. Bu' he wasna the firs' I tried ta love. Aimar w'uldna says I was mor'n a fr'end an' wanted me to be a lady. He died. Tiffanyanne...she was likes a mum ta me, o' a sist'r...ain't rights sure, bu' she died too. Dun ev'n knows wha' happ'ned to my folks. A'most lost Donnor in England ya knows. Siggie, he be my bes' fr'end, wha' helped me when Donnor was hurt...he died...Athor dis'pe'red... Her eyes were fierce when she met Aayla's. Ain't yer fa'lt they's dead. Dun care wha' ya thinks, it ain't yer fa'lt. Ya hears me? An' I ain't gonna die, an' damn sure ain't lettin' Obli die on eith'r o' us. If'n he ev'n thinks it, I'll kick his gorram bum!

[Aayla]

Aayla was stunned to silence as Aasha's voice grew more and more irritated, she blinked and stared at her friend with a look that clearly said she didn't expect that sort of reaction. Of course she knew she hadn't actually killed all those people... well maybe her mother but she was being born so how would one tell really... but nothing could really convince her that caring for people and being close to them didn't hurt like hell when they died... and they always died.

"I hears ya..." she managed to squeeze in about part way through the rant that poured from her friends lips, but it was very likely that Aasha didn't hear her at all as she didn't skip a beat. It was the last sentence however that turned Aayla from the verge of tears to a manic somewhat crazed laughter. "Kick his bum? fer thinkin... oh lordy!" She doubled over laughing then, unable to contain herself. And like a weight being lifted from her shoulders she realized that she was happy... to be sure she wasn't basking in the glow of love, or knowing exactly where she'd sleep next, but she had her brother, and now (though she'd not likely say it to her yet) a sister in Aasha. There were the Rahls, though far away never far from her thoughts, and other friends she'd begun to make. When the laughter died down she wore a truly genuine smile, her eyes sparkling with new life. "Yer right... I've been one helluva daft fool.."snickering she shook her head slowly. "I ain't alone, and I dun gotta be lonely less I wants t'be." Shaking her head slowly she made a mental note to kick Eoghan for all the trouble when she was next in Ireland...

"Well... I did learn one useful thing in'all this.." Grinning mischievously at Aasha she pulled out a small note pad.

[Aayla]

She'd lost herself in the rant, barely aware when Aayla stated she heard her. Her face was bright red when her voice finally petered out. Aasha's lips twitched when Aayla started laughing. Aye, kicks 'is bum fer thinkin'... She grinned, then began to giggle. He ain't 'lowed ta be doin' no fool things likes tha'. Why ya think I show'd 'im how ta handle a dagg'r? Damn idgit dun cut 'ims'lf wit' it when I tried showin' 'im a' firs'. It scared her, being this fierce in her feelings for Obli, they went too deep and it had happened so fast. Not something she was sure she wanted to admit to his sister. Nae, ya ain't 'lone...ya gots me an' Obli. Bu' ya ain't movin' in wit' us, less'n yer wantin' ta sleeps onna floor. Ya willna fits inna bed wit' us. She winked and smirked, knowing the comment would make Aayla wanna kick her, but not caring as she teased.

Curious, Aasha asked; Wha' ya learn'd? Tha' yer one hell'a daf' fool? Tha' ya feels bett'r stabbin' than sittin' on yer hands?

[Aayla]

Aayla's mirth cut off with a strangled shocked noise... did she hear her right? Move in with them... as in they were cohabitating already!?! She was going to stab all right, but it was likely to be her fool arse of a brother who failed to mention this. A familiar anger washed over her, she could almost feel her blood raising in temperature as it thudded through her head. Of course, outwardly she still just looked the same shocked self, no change or movement to give hint to the perfect storm of a temper brewing in her head. Not a flinch, a twitch or breath gave warning to the impending explosion... And then she blinked... and blinked again. Moments later she realized that this 'control' she'd forced upon herself had in fact had lasting effects. She was still angry yes... but with a perfect clarity and control. She could see that she was more angry at Obli than Aasha, and that the anger came not from an actual hurt but some perceived injustice at being the last to know everything... which was silly. She had no interest in being -that- involved in her twins relationship, and to expect it after how standoffish and cold she'd been is daft... that seemed to be the word of the month for Aayla... daft.

The seconds had passed and to any who didn't know her, it would seem nothing had come and gone. No chance that Aasha wouldn't notice though, so she decided to save the woman the trouble and explained. "Dinna know ye'd moved in t'gether. I'm a might hurt no'one told me... but I's glad fer the two o'you." She smiled then, a true honest, well meaning smile. Turning her attention back to the pad she waffled on sharing her find for only a moment. "So Ma was a healer... so I thought I'd give my hand at learn'n the trade n'all... no luck with that, I just like cutting too much t'justify fixin..." She'd bustled past all the awkwardness and was now in earnest describing her gem of a find. "I's found plants... little plants that grows all arounds us that will do wicked things if used right! Some kin even down an army if applied correctly.... but this one... its a toxin that'll paralyze a man wit'out even harm'n 'em!" Chuckling she seemed all too pleased with her finds.

[Aayla]

Aasha watched emotions flicker across Aayla's face in confusion. What had she said that caused that sort of reaction. She went over her words, trying to pinpoint exactly what it was that upset her friend. Was she really that upset over Aasha threatening to kick Obli's bum? But she'd laughed...

When Aayla finally explained, the girl shook her head. We wasna aimin' ta be hurtin' ya. I ummm... Aasha blushed, remembering Obli's face at her assumption. Didna 'xactly ask 'im ta moves in...jus' fig'red since I ummm...sorta...hired 'im as a cook an' all...an' he said he wasna gonna be leavin' me...tha' means he was gonna lives wit' me dun it? Anyh'w, he said he w'uld aft'r I fig'red he wasna ass'min' wha' I did an' I asked 'im pr'per an' all. Nothing like showing her friend she was just as daft as Aayla claimed she'd been.

Aasha couldn't imagine wanting to be a healer, more learning wasn't really something she wanted to face. Guessin' it be makin' sense ta be knowin' how ta fix wha' dam'ge ya cause. Case it ain't som'one ya was meanin' ta hurts an' all. Aasha paused, letting Aayla's excitement wash over her. Plants that could do all that? Hells bells, maybe this learning thing was worth something after all. Ya is gonna be showin' me how they works rights?

[Aayla]

Aayla grinned lopsidedly at her friend, and whipped out a few small pouches and began the explanations. "Occourse!" she exclaimed as a way of starting. "This'n will kill but make it look like drinking too much. " she said holding a small pouch of nightshade, "This'n will just knock a fella out, only a pinch needed." And she continued on like that for as long as Aasha's interest allowed. Each small pouch containing some nefarious plant matter that when applied correctly would do the exact opposite of healing. To be sure the girl had a gift for remembering the tinctures and applications, she was far from a healer but she did possess the ability. There were a few things, mostly of the antidote and as she put it "Fixing when you dun messed up" and all brought a smile and laughter to her.

After rambling on for some time, she paused her cheeks blushing a bit with chagrin, "Sorry... I'm prone t'just talkin till my voice gives out on me ain't I?" grinning she picks up the long forgotten bottle and takes a swig to wet her throat again.

[Aayla]

Seeing Aayla animated and looking more like herself every moment allowed Aasha to relax. She tried to follow as Aayla rushed from plant to plant, finding herself hopelessly lost within minutes. Tell her something about weapons and she could keep up, the intricacies of plants was like cooking, there was a mental block Aasha couldn't seem to get past. She finally gave up, just letting Aayla rattle on, a silly grin on her face. she was going to enjoy telling Obli his sister was alright afterwards, once she smacked him for not noticing something was wrong to begin with. Ya ken talks all ya wants, I dun mind. Jus' dun be 'xpectin' me ta be r'memb'rin' it all.

[Aayla]

She laughed softly shaking her head, "Sin sin, níl aon scéal eile agam" she said quietly, not really speaking to anyone but herself. Shrugging she set the bottle down, "Nay dun need t'remember'em that'd be why ye got me around." another chuckle and she sighed. It had been a long draining day, she felt as if she'd laid her soul bare and managed beyond all hope to make it back to one piece again. "Thanks.. fer being a friend an listening to me prattle on ..." This was hard for her, she felt most of the time she had to force herself to be cautious, never connecting with anyone for some fear of being left again. Aasha was the strongest person she knew, and for that reason alone she let her defenses fall. Aasha was a friend who'd live, who'd be there... and gorram it if she didn't Aayla was well on her way to finding a way to bring her back to kill her all over again!

[Aayla]

Aasha blinked, then blinked again. What the hell? As if fancy words weren't enough, now Aayla wanted to speak gibberish? They'd not killed anyone yet, why was she muttering about sin? And the rest, why it just didn't make any sense at all. Bloody hell Aayla, ken ya says som'thin' wha' I ken unn'rstand?

Shaking her head, she continues; Ya knows tha' ain't why I keeps ya 'round. Who else will be unn'rstandin' me when I starts thinkin' daf' things likes wha' ya was thinkin'? She sighed deeply, clearly uncomfortable with being thanked. I ain't gots many wha' I'd be sharin' wit' Aayla. Mos' w'uldna unn'rstand. I knows ya does. Ya dun gots ta be thankin' me. Jus' dun go daf' on me 'gain.

[Aayla]

Realizing she'd slipped into gaelic again, she laughed and shook her head. "Sorry... Irish... forgot ye don't speak a word o'it do ya?" She felt like a heel, not ever wanting to make her friend feel odd for not knowing something. "I forget sometimes, Nan and Dhain used ta only speak it t'me when I was younger, language of my people an all... always going on about: 'Tír gan teanga, tír gan anam' A country without language is a country without soul... Fool stuff really... but I's forgets sometimes." Running a hand through her hair she grins sheepishly, hoping her friend will not think poorly of her.

She smiled at Aasha's explanation, it was right on the money, sometimes Aayla wondered if Obli was the twin or Aasha was. This brought a laugh to her lips and she felt the need to explain, "Ye know when Eoghan told us Obli'n I were twins, I thought t'meself later that he dun messed up and it were you not him." making a face she laughed again, "Even Obli don't get me as much as you sometimes... maybe It's a girl thing." She shrugged, thinking on that a moment. There was no doubt that Obli was her twin, hell they both moved, felt and reacted often the same and at the same time without noticing. In their own way they both loved Aasha... though with Aayla it was a strictly friendship thing... And there was little in this world they disagreed on (perhaps only who was worthy for Aayla and that's about it) But there were things Obli would never understand, how a woman loves ... men no matter how close could never grasp the insane and involved intricacies. She was yet again glad of Aasha, she would never have gotten through all this without her.

[Aayla]

Hell Aayla, I dun speaks English the way ev'ryone does. Les' thas wha' I'm bein' tole when folks looks a' me all conf'sed. Leas' ya ain't usin' fancy words. Aasha laughed at herself, it wasn't so bad admitting she couldn't speak Irish, after all, she wasn't Irish. Leaning closer, she murmured; sos does Obli speaks it too? Maybe ya ken teach me some ta be sayin' to 'im.

Aasha looked stunned for a minute. She thought Eoghan messed up? Nah, Aayla and Obli were much more alike in their mannerisms than she was with Aayla, though the thought was flattering. Too bad though, she would have enjoyed being taller. I'm thinkin' its cuz me an' you...we gots things wha' haunts us the same. Makes us unn'rstand each oth'r bett'r. Nae jus' a girl thing, I dunno any oth'r wimmen wha' w'uld unn'rstand me likes ya does.

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