Re: Alone - Cill Chaoi to Inis and back

[Aasha]

It was like falling down a deep dark pit. Nothing around her felt familiar, no mocking voices making fun of her less than womanly ways, no pain. Past the nightmare that had gripped her. Nothing but blackness, pressing around her, cradling her, her body floating in nothingness. It was the most peaceful she had felt in days. Aasha pulled the darkness around her, not reacting to being picked up, not feeling when he left the barn. Her senses dulled by the deep sleep she had fallen into.

Even when he put her down, covering her gently, the girl's eyes didn't open. She lay unmoving upon the cot, floating in the peaceful nothingness of her mind, where no one could hurt her. Slowly, images began to fill the void. Her father teasing her, her mother shaking her head in exasperation. Her cousin, no...not her cousin... Aasha moaned, tangling the blanket around her legs as she kicked out, trying to get away.

[axle5788]

He was sitting in the chair watching her. She tried to kick the blanket off, and didn't succeed. It was low and exposing her upper body and he got up to pull it over her body again. He took a seat on the floor instead of the hard wooden chair. He had an extra blanket to cover himself from the cold air penetrating through the bottom of the door. He watched her, thinking of the words she had ranted in the forest.

Why? An' ya will leaves. I dun heard how a man wouldna leave me 'fore. One what promised to be lovin' me fer'ver, nae matt'r wha' I dun 'fore, nae matt'r wha' happens laters. An' he walked 'way from me, didna come home, isna comin' backs. Showed me I isna 'portant, ain't good 'nuff ta be stayin' wit'. Why would I be believin' ya aft'r that? If'n Donnor ken leaves me, anybody ken. An' I ain't lettin' nobody hurts me nomores. There isna no fer'ver, jus' till yer bored, an' I ain't bein' someone what's gonna lets no man use 'er. So gets out!

He didn't know why she thought he would leave her. She had been pushing him away since CC, demanding he not follow her. He didn't listen. He was always with her in one way or another, whether she knew it or not. She wondered who she had spoken about in her rant and then remembered his name being spoken: Donnor. He was sad for her and the way she had been treated.. Maybe that's why she is treating me the same way? He mumbled to himself. Was he not good enough to accompany her? He shrugged because it didn't matter. He would not leave her behind or let her leave without him. It wasn't a threat... just a statement of fact.

He was getting tired by this point, not having slept well the night before in the bushes outside her home in CC. He was drifting to sleep when he heard a loud gush of wind slam against the door. It scared him! Maybe they weren't as safe as he had thought. He barricaded the entries with furniture and then took his place back on the floor near the cot. He was propped up against the desk and covered with a blanket facing her. He hadn't intended on falling asleep but it had been a long, emotional day for her and he had shared her pain, even though he hadn't really understood why things had happened in the way they did. His eyes closed swiftly from the comfort of his position.

[Aasha]

There was familiarity in the scent coming from the blanket, familiarity that would have piqued her interest had she been awake. Subconsciously she knew Axle's scent, had been around him more often than she was aware. The slamming of the door caused her to shift, but not fully wake. Somehow, despite everything she had been through, Aasha wrapped that scent around her and drifted into a more natural slumber, never fully waking from the exhaustion that had gripped her outside the barn.

It was hours later that the noise of the wind fully penetrated, shattering her peaceful sleep. She woke slowly, rubbing bleary eyes and scanning the darkened room. It was a place she couldn't remember visiting, nothing familiar in the darkness. Where was she?

Aasha closed her eyes briefly, thinking perhaps she was dreaming. It was then she heard the sound of another person's breathing in the room, became aware of him slumped over, sleeping beside the cot. Why had he brought her here? Her memories were hazy, Aasha leaned back and began to think hard, trying to put things in perspective. Donnor...he had left her. Walked away like she meant nothing to him. Never come home...she had gone to Inis, with Axle following her despite her efforts to lose him, or scare him away. The barn, a dark form looming over her. No, that was before. Had she lost it so completely? Sighing softly, the girl looked back towards the man dozing beside her.

It made no sense, she had punched him numerous times, told him to leave, yet here he was. He had brought her here, but why? Another sigh escaped, deeper this time as Aasha began to rise, forgetting the blanket tangled around her legs. Losing her balance, she fell, landing partially on Axle, partially on the floor. She missed this, being close to someone in the dark, longed to feel her husband's arms around her. Just for a moment, she imagined Axle doing the same. Arms to comfort her, to keep her safe. Almost moving closer, thinking of her innermost needs and desires... Someone to love her for who she was... The back of a bald head walking away, muttering about not being allowed to be friends with other women. It was not to be..he didn't want only her. He wanted others to touch him. It was the only explanation. Yes, she'd warned women off, letting them know he was hers...but she'd never stopped him having friends. Never...she was destined to be alone, better off that way...if only she could convince her shattered heart...

[axle5788]

Axle was sleeping lightly after dozing off. He had gotten used to not sleeping heavily to be aware of his surroundings. He was always sleeping in awkward places since meeting Aasha, and the rest of NNGO: forests, beaches, barns, bushes, motes.. He never really slept inside except when he was in Inis and even then it was usually in a barn or shack, never at home or at his smithy. He had never been in Inis for more than a few days at a time either, this was a new experience for him as it would probably be for her as well. The wind was howling, clanking against the walls of the smithy with the branches of nearby trees that surrounded the building.

He felt a weight on his feet and partially on his legs. He woke startled, his feet kicking forward instinctively. His eyes opened wide, seeing a figure at his feet. He blinked repeatedly to take the sleep out of his eyes, than looked towards the doors to see if anyone had penetrated the doors. Seeing none of the furniture unmolested, he looked back down to the figure to see her before him. He leaned forward, his hands on her arms to help her sit back. A.. are you ok?

[Aasha]

The longing she felt was quickly shoved deep inside as Axle kicked out, dislodging her from his legs. The girl landed with an oomph, her backside protesting as she landed painfully on one hip. Is I alrights? Is ya daft? Wha' ya thinks? Her voice was thick with sarcasm, though husky from sleep. I jus' loves bein' kicked at aft'r fallin' onna lump inna floor. Makes me all warm an' tingly insides.

Aasha ignored his outstretched hand, not wanting to accept help from anyone, especially a man. Shaking her head, she grabbed for the blanket as the wind rattled the window. Where'd ya brings me anyhow? An' why? I ain't nev'r been here 'fore. The stables is warm'r than this ya knows.

[axle5788]

Axle sighed as he heard her complain. It's the only safe place that I knew. He grabbed his blanket and wrapped it around her with the one she already had. You should be warm soon. He felt a draft from the doors; he moved towards a storage chest he had, opening it to collect heavier rags and blankets. He knelt down at the doors, shoving the rags and blankets into the openings at the bottom to disallow the wind to continue to penetrate into the room. Why didn't he think to do it before? He sighed quietly to himself. He didn't think well around her.. He looked back to her, speaking quietly. I can start a fire to warm us up. I.. I should of done it before.

There was a stack of firewood in one corner of the room that he had collected the last time he was in the smithy; he had never had the time to use it before. He walked over to the stack, listening to her as he grabbed a few. He knelt at the fireplace, stacking the wood properly and quickly setting a fire to keep them warm. This is my smithy. We're in Inis. Not far from the stable we were at earlier today.

[Aasha]

Instinct had the girl wrapping the blanket tighter around her, burying her nose in the warmth. The deep breath she took allowing his scent, the one that had penetrated her sleep, to once again fill her senses. Why was his scent so familiar though. It was more than being in her platoon, or even sharing a boat with her from time to time. The thought of the boat made her shudder, her fear of water having never left her. She had meant to ask Donnor to teach her to swim, but it had never come up. Maybe one day...no, it wasn't important. Why were her thoughts so scattered?

He was being nice though, despite her sarcasm, regardless of how badly she'd treated him all day and night. It didn't make sense. Umm...thanks fer that. I 'memb'r ya comin' towards me aft'r I fell...I dun 'memb'r nothin' aft'r 'cept dark. Was peaceful likes, havin' nothin' ta be botherin' me. Nae thinkin'...nae feelin'...

Shaking her head, Aasha glanced over, watching him expertly light a fire in the hearth. Her voice was quiet as she continued; I dun unn'rstand ya. Why're ya bein' so nice ta me? Why didna ya walks 'way when it was safe fer ya? I ain't nothin'...dun been showed that. Why is ya takin' care o' me? I...I canna...canna...

Wrapping the blanket tighter around herself, she lay curled in the floor as she whispered; I'm tired. Ya ken haves yer cot, I ken sleeps 'ere...

[axle5788]

He finally finished setting the fire; grabbing another blanket from the chest, he sat in front of the fire. He wrapped himself up with the blanket, looking into the sparks as it burned. It is peaceful here.. and quiet. More quiet than life in Cill Chaoi and NNGO. He looked back to her, hoping she would come closer to warm herself in front of the fire, but he didn't see her move.

I am just being me.. He answered her questions. I haven't left you alone in months. Where you go, I go. I watch your back, you watch mine. That is how it has been since I have joined NNGO and I don't want that to change. He looked back into the fire, already warm. He got up and walked over to her, slouching down on the floor next to her to share his warmth with her. You are something to me. He nudged her slightly with his body, but it was really an attempt to get closer to her.

She mentioned sleeping on the floor, and he shook his head. No. You can sleep on the cot. It's more comfortable than the floor. He looked towards the door, then back at her. You are safe here. No one will find you unless you want them to. He looked back to the cot. Need help getting back up there?

[Aasha]

Her voice was soft, but carried well in the darkness of the room. The firelight was mesmerizing, bringing a peace to the girl's continence that had not been there since Donnor walked away from her. She heard his words, but still did not understand. Yer NNGO...an' that means fam'ly. Means we watch fer each oth'r...but why is ya only watchin' fer me? I dun need nobody watchin' my back. I had Donnor ta be doin' that...once...but ev'n he didna needs to.

Aasha watched as he walked towards her, trying to figure him out. The heat from the fire had barely penetrated from where she lay, his presence warming her more than the flames did. Scooting over as he nudged, she felt the leg of the cot at her head. Lowering her voice even lower as confusion continued to swirl, she whispered; Wha' am I to ya? Ya dun gotta follow me when I ain't leadin' troops...I isna doin' that now. I ken be alone...was 'lone lots more'n I had nobody what cared.

She ignored his words about the cot, feeling more comfortable on the floor, knowing her nightmares would only cause her to end up back here the hard way anyway. She was waiting for him to answer, even as she replied to his comment bitterly. Nobody is gonna be lookin' fer me...is bett'r that way...

[axle5788]

I want to watch your back, he quipped at her, his eyes catching hers. She just didn't understand him, even after all these months. It didn't matter. He knew her.. and he knew her well. She was his friend. He would always be there for her, even if she cast him aside. He wouldn't leave her behind, ever. You're my friend. Friends look afta' each other.

She tried to evade him, and moved closer to the leg of the cot. He stayed in his seat, a low grumbling coming from his stomach. You hungry? His bag was at the end of the cot, on the floor and he grabbed for it. Opening up the satchel, he brought out some pieces of fruit and bread that he had with him. He tried to crack the fruit in half but wasn't very successful as the juices coated his hands completely. He gave up and didn't want to keep playing with the food, offering the fruit, in its ugly form, to her. You will like this. He brought his other hand to his mouth, sucking the juices. It tastes like peach.

[Aasha]

Friend? The last thing the girl expected was for him to profess to be her friend. She had so few she actually considered such, the first who had tried to befriend her had ended up dead. Aasha looked up at Axle, wondering if he would change his mind were she to mention that little tidbit to him. She had been his platoon leader, army commander, co-conspirator while collecting donations along the road...but never expected to hear that particular word described between the two of them. Hell, they'd barely even said two words to each other in all the time she'd known him...and that was the entire time she'd been in Ireland.

Meeting his eyes, the shock showing on her face, Aasha sighed. Friend, of all the brave, ignorant, foolhardy things to be, he thought they were friends. The bitterness had not left her voice as she finally spoke. Yer bett'r off bein' friends wit' Donnor, he's wantin' more'n me 'round 'im...oh, but yer nae a lady, so maybe nae a good 'dea nohow.

He was entirely too close for her peace of mind, she didn't like to be touched at the best of times, and didn't want to rely on a man she was used to protecting now. Not when she felt so vulnerable, out of her depth completely. Hiding the relief she felt when he moved towards his bag, she repositioned herself upon the floor, curling up like a cat, or more accurately her fox, watching him curiously. Nae...I isna... Her words arrested by his actions, Aasha snickered softly when juices ran down his hands from the fruit. Ya knows, a dagg'r works bett'r'n yer hands fer cuttin' fruit. The stubborn look on his face told her he wasn't going to give up, so Aasha gracefully accepted the dripping, mangled half, careful to keep the juices from dripping on the blanket. She couldn't help but think he was deranged, perhaps not even as smart as her, as he wasn't taking any of the hints she'd so obviously been dropping. Eating it quickly, as much to keep her blouse warm as anything else, she absently wiped her hand on her pants before turning towards the cot and closing her eyes. Is late...ima sleepin' 'ere. Ya ken do whats ya wants.

[axle5788]

He grimaced as she mentioned Donnor. Shaking his head, he said: I stick with you. Donnor is not as nice. When she accepted his mangled fruit, he smiled. At least he was good for something. She mentioned a dagger piercing the fruit easily, and he sighed. I don't know how to use a dagger. Only a sword. I'm better with a bow and arrow though.

As she turned away from him, a look of confusion crossed his face. This is where I sleep.. Are you going to sleep next to me? His eyes opened in shock, waiting for a reply from her. He had never slept so close to her in all the time he had known her.

[Aasha]

He had said it before, but the words echoed in her mind and heart. Donnor wasn't as nice...was she nice though? She hadn't been, not really. She wanted to be alone, but he'd refused to let her. She'd been violent, mean and nasty with her comments, then resigned. But nice...not really. Sighing, the girl glanced back. I'll teach ya how ta use one...jus' nae now...

Shifting on the hard floor, Aasha sighed again. Ya ken sleeps onna cot. I ain't movin'. Jus' wanna sleeps now. If'n ya wants ta sleeps onna floor...ya ken...jus'...dun touch me.

[axle5788]

He grinned when she told him she'd teach him how to use a dagger. Told ya. You're nicer than Donnor. He listened to her words next, but he refused to let her sleep on the floor. He had thought she would jump into the cot as soon as he said that he would be sleeping on the floor.. But, she had just told him not to touch her. The floor was cold, hard, and not a place she should be sleeping. She hadn't slept well the last few days and he wanted her to get a good night's sleep. No.. you can't sleep on the floor. The cot is better for you. He held his hand out for her to take, but he knew she wouldn't. He picked her up and put her on the cot in one swift and smooth motion. He knew she would probably beat him for it.. but he was willing to take that chance. You shouldn't be sleeping on the floor. He had a serious look on his face, maybe it would intimidate her and she wouldn't hit him.. but he didn't count on it.

[Aasha]

The man was addle brained. She may be nicer than Donnor, but not by much. Especially not the way she'd been treating him. Already regretting her impulsive offer, she wondered if it wouldn't be easier to just stab him and be done with it rather than teach him. Or perhaps stab herself, she had little patience and he was trying it sorely.

She had just closed her eyes when he had the nerve to tell her she couldn't sleep on the floor. Aasha had enough of people telling her what to do to last a lifetime, now this one thought to add to it. I ain't... But before she could get the rest out, she was unceremoniously picked up and deposited on the cot, much to her dismay. What was it about men? He was stronger therefore he could make her? - I don't think so. Stronger, but not faster. - She met his eyes, narrowing hers when she saw the look on his face, not the least bit intimidated. She'd already hit him to no avail, sitting up, the girl swung her leg towards his, intent on leveling him.

[axle5788]

He felt her leg connect with his, and his knee buckled forward. He fell forward towards her, his eyes opened in shock as he was falling. Ahhhh! He fell partially on top of her, his hands on the wall of the cot, holding him up somewhat off her. See what you did? You told me not to touch you, and then this happens. It's not my fault!

[Aasha]

Ooommmppphhhh.... Aasha's eyes opened wide when Axle's body collided with hers on the cot, forcing her from a sitting position to prone in one fell swoop. She couldn't catch her breath fast enough to yell before she heard an ominous moan come from the legs of the cot, right before the entire thing crashed to the floor. I tole ya nae touchin'! An' ya picked me up an' puts me 'ere when I said I was sleepin' onna floor. Now we's bot' sleepin' onna floor, cuz ya dun broke the damn cot! Gets off'n me ya big oaf!!

[axle5788]

I can fix it. His eyes narrowed in frustration as he looked at her. He was angry. Was it at her? He didn't know. Probably more at himself. He lifted up off her, sitting on the bare floor, his back turned to her. You sleep there. He wasn't tired anymore.

[Aasha]

Once the girl took a deep breath and calmed down, she tried to assess their position. The situation was so absurd that Aasha'a irritation turned into amusement. In a way he'd been right, it was partially...not entirely...not even mostly...but partially her fault. She could have refrained from kicking his legs out from under him, or said why she didn't want to sleep on the cot...ok, maybe not that. She'd let her impulsiveness get the best of her and landed her in this predicament. And yet he was boldly proclaiming he could fix it? Fix what? There were some things that just couldn't be fixed...

Glancing over as he moved, she noted the narrowed eyes, the tauntness of his shoulders clearly indicating anger. Thats all it took, peels of laughter rang in the room. Ya...ken...fix...it... Tears began streaming down her face as she laughed harder, still laying flat upon the cot. Ya...I ken... Struggling to stop long enough to finish, she saw him turn his back and laughed more. Ken...ken...I'll sleeps 'ere...onna cot....onna floor...

They were stuck here together at least through the night, she could try to make the best of it. Even she wasn't foolish enough to leave when the temperature dropped so far , the wind still lashing at the doors and windows. Trying to break the tension, she tentatively placed a hand on his shoulder as she sat, partially propped against the wall, and attempted to whisper between giggles. Nae jus' yer fault. Ain't the bes' time ta be pushin' me is all. No need to add that there was no good time to push her, surely he'd figured that one out on his own...or would eventually.

[axle5788]

He was annoyed and here she was laughing. Not just laughing.. laughing hard as if he had done something funny. What you laughing at? What's so funny? He was being stubborn now, sitting on the floor, his knees up against his chest. He didn't really want her to answer, or want to stay. He had been mocked enough as a young boy, and didn't expect her to laugh at him now. He felt her hand on his shoulder, and contemplated turning around to face her but decided not to.

[Aasha]

Aasha recognized the posture, it was very close to her own in the past. During the times her cousin hurt her the most, she drew into herself, not letting anyone or anything penetrate. It sobered her instantly, causing a pang of...she wasn't sure what it was...but didn't like the feeling.

Sighing, the girl turned back to the wall, covering herself more fully as she closed her eyes. Into the silence of the room, she whispered; I was gonna sleeps onna floor...ya said cot...an' ya would sleeps onna floor...now we bot'... Another deep sigh as she curled up, biting her lip and feeling inadequate. Ain't nothin' funny...nothin' 'tall...

[axle5788]

He felt her stir from her position, and he briefly looked back to see what she was doing. He saw her turn towards the wall. I told you to sleep on the cot. Things can't always be your way. He was still angry. He moved away from her and towards the fireplace. As she laid down on the mattress, he laid down as well. He was muttering to himself. .... is so... stubborn.

[Aasha]

She sensed him moving, but refused to turn around. She didn't care what he did. Why should she? She hadn't wanted him to follow her to begin with, now he was upset because she didn't do what he wanted? Bahh... unaware the sound escaped, Aasha curled up in a ball, willing herself to sleep. Whatever she was feeling...guilt, sorrow...all but inadequacy fled with his words. Her bitter whisper filled the room. Thin's ain't nev'r my way. Ain't sleepin' high up jus' ta end up onna ground. Hurts worse fallin' than sleepin' 'ere to begin wit'. If'n thin's was my way...I wouldna be 'lone... Hot tears scalded the girl's cheeks as she closed her eyes tighter.

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